Dan Rather, Cokie Roberts, and a Marine go to Iraq
News Anchor Dan Rather, NPR Reporter Cokie Roberts,
and a U.S.
Marine were hiking through the desert one day when
they were captured by
Iraqis.
They were tied up, led to the village and brought
before the leader.
The leader said, "I am familiar with your western
custom of granting the
condemned a last wish. Before we kill and dismember
you, do you have any
last requests?"
Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one
last bowlful of hot,
spicy chili." The leader nodded to an underling who
left and returned with
the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die
content."
Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I
want to take out my tape
recorder and describe the scene here and what's about
to happen.
Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I
was on the job 'til the
end.
"The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape
recorder, and Roberts
dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die
happy."
The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. U.S.
Marine, what is your final
wish?"
"Kick me in the ass," said the Marine.
"What?" asked the leader. "Will you mock us in your
last hour?"
"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the
ass," insisted the Marine
So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked
him in the ass.
The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees,
pulled a
9mm pistol from inside his cammies, and shot the
leader dead.
In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack,
pulled out his M4
carbine, and sprayed the Iraqis with gunfire. In a
flash, the Iraqis were
dead, dying or fleeing for their lives.
As the Marine was untying Rather and Roberts, they
asked him, "Why didn't
you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you
in the ass?"
"What!?" said the Marine, "And have you liberal
assholes call ME the
aggressor?!?"